we have officially lost it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
