I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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