i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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