its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
