Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
