I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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