Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
