She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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