Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
