Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
