Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
