I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
