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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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