Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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