why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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