Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
