I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
