I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
