she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
