ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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