we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
