she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
