they need to just BURY HIM!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
