well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
