You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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