i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
