I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
