i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my being single is dangerous.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
