So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
