Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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