Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
