her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
