i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
