Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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