what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
