i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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