Do you still have your period?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
