We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
