my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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