in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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