I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
