Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
