My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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