Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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