turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
