Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
