capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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