my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
