he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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