there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
