Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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