So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
