gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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